Road tripping

 

A break was needed in the middle of four days of watersports. A sharp departure was provided by a day long Bali road trip, which we arranged through the hotel with the driver who brought us from the airport, Jaga. On the first day we we approached on the beach by several other drivers/guides offering us similar services, but we figured we’ll go with someone we already know, with an added security that he was under contract from the hotel. The price 450,000 rupiah (about $50 at the time of writing) covered 10 hours of his time, all petrol, parking fees and all the entrances except for the most expensive Barong dance. For the money pinchers, you can bargain the price down on a beach to 300,000 but keep in mind that you’ll have to pay all the parking and entrance fees which will add up to about 100,000 extra for two people. And save our first full day, we also had the luxury of not having to wake up so early as he was to pick us up at 9 in the morning. So we lounged a bit before breakfast and after, and then we hit the road.

From the beginning it was to be an interesting trip, as it turned out that Jaga barely spoke English. Somehow we didn’t catch that fact on the way from the airport. We went to see a traditional Balinese Barong dance first. Saying dance doesn’t really do it justice. It’s actually a theatrical play with music, portraying a meeting between some government officials who are accosted in the forest by an evil spirit and then a great fight ensues. Quoting the missus “a surreal experience”. Despite a program written in really bad English, for the most part you have absolutely no bloody idea what is going on. Some strange creatures clicking their jaws, strange women doing stranger things with their eyes, man with their faces painted doing weird dancing, even a moment where it looked like a guy was masturbating a monkey with something coming out of… you get the jist. It turned out that it was the monkey’s tail, and the watery substance was supposed to be its blood. Surreal, yes. Funny, yes. Worth seeing: absolutely.

A traditional Balinese painting in the process of being made.
Claimed time to finish: 3 months.
Opening asking price 30 million rupees ($3300) for a finished piece.

From there things got a bit irritating, fortunately for a while. In a traditional Turkish/Egyptian style, we spent the next hour and a half being taken to see “traditional Balinese art” in the form of a: silver shop, a painting shop and a woodcarver shop. I appreciate the arts and all, but since we’re already paying the driver above the market rate for the day trip, he could’ve at least saved us the overpriced tourist traps. Silver shop: bloody hell! Upon entrance you are greeted with: “Special for you our friend. Today only, special discount, everything 80% off.” Sounds good right? Well… if not that a simple silver bangle at a normal price was $330!!! Even with a discount that was $66. Now, I’m not an expert on jewelry, but it seems a bit pricey considering there is actually no artwork that goes into making one. Nice intricate earrings… don’t even bother. The missus who is a great fan of jewelry just turned around on her heel and left. Same story repeated in the painting shop and a woodcarver shop. The thing is, there were hundreds of those around, but we got a feeling that we were taken to the priciest tourist ones. High prices including a hefty kickback to the driver. Sorry Bob. Such tricks don’t work with us.

We were slightly irritated at this point as we headed to the monkey forest located in Ubud, the cultural capital in Bali. Now, this would be a fun part for most people, except that I absolutely hate monkeys. Dirty, filthy, ugly creatures. Makes me want to put a baseball bat to their heads. Or eat fresh monkey brains, Singapore style. Still, a beautiful temple complex surrounded by a lush forest has a tendency to calm the nerves.

With moods still a bit dark, we insisted on break for lunch. Jaga insisted half the way that we eat later and an “all you can eat buffet” for a “very good price”. Trying to explain that we are trying to count the calories because we’re big was like talking to a wall. “Oh Bart, you big. You eat a lot. Good price for you. You eat more”. Looking daggers at him finally worked so we went to eat something locally. Babi gulling, a suckling pig, was recommended by him on the way from the airport, and that’s just what we went for. Yum! Any guilty conscience of eating a baby pig torn from its mother’s teet disappeared the moment I sank my teeth into it’s tender juicy flesh. Hey, I, a Homo Sapiens, am after all the apex predator, right?

Time was passing quickly, so we charged on. The next stop, rice terraces. Something that we meant to see in the Philippines, but didn’t due to awful typhoon floods. Amazing views which you can judge for yourselves below. We didn’t go trekking due to lack of time and energy, but given time do so.

    

Next stop, a coffee and cocoa plantation. A garden mostly filled with mandarin trees (which we got a fill of), with on occasional coffee and cocoa tree. Here finally Jaga showed off some of his guiding skills showing us a variety of fruits and plants and doing his best to explain their purpose. This is also a place where I stepped in horse shit, a natural fertilizer used by farms. And a place where we finally got to try really shitty coffee, Kopi Luwak. For those who missed the pun, Kopi Luwak, is world’s most expensive coffee, fetching prices of $400-$1000 per kilo. It is harvested from… civette shit. What the hell is a civette and why is coffee in its shit you might ask. Civettes live on coffee farms where they freely climb the trees and pick only the tastiest coffee fruit (the bean still inside). They digest the fruit, while the bean goes undigested through them. Undigested, but not unchanged. The gastric juices of the civette (tree cat by the way), soften the coffee bean, stripping it of much of its original bitterness and acidity. The excrement is then picked up by the farmers, washed with cold and hot water to leave the beans clean (I hope), then dried, roasted and voila! You got Kopi Luwak. For 50,000 rupees $6) you get to try a cup. And I must say: yum, earthy, musky, and all the other adjectives used by commercials. Still… I’m not sure I’m willing to pay $25 for a 60 gram bag enough for six coffees.

This has got to be the best picture that my budding photographer wife has ever taken of me. I just gotto Photoshop the coffee grinds from my nose. Thanks hon.

 

Enjoying Kopi Luwak

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Time running out we headed to see the Bali volcano. Mist surrounding it gave it a surreal look, like something out of a Tolkien novel, but then again made it damn difficult to get our tourist shots in. We headed back with our final stop being a Hindu temple in Denpasar. A quiet time, all ceremonies over we checked out something that looked a bit like a market after closing. Plastic stalls, chairs and beach mats placed all around, with an occasional rice offerings thrown around. But hey, I got to play some musical instruments for free too.

We got back to our hotel around 7 PM. A day well spent, although we weren’t so certain of it at the beginning. Jaga turned out to be a nice guy as we initially took him for, if a bit samey like other hawkers on the street. Another meal at of favorite restaurant The Cameng closed out the night nicely.